no words.

It's hard to sort my thoughts into words today.
So much emotional crap going on in my world.
So instead, I am going to go play with my daughters hair while the kids and I watch a Doctor Who marathon.

why my heart hurts

See that gorgeous woman in the swim suit?  That woman is my Grandmother.  Sadly, she passed away 11 days ago.  Typing that was astonishing. 11 days. 11 heart breaking days.  In those 11 days I have both laughed and cried more than I ever thought possible.  I want to tell you about her. I really do. But the hurt is still so raw.

My head knows she is at peace. I know she is in heaven because that is where she believed she would go with all her heart. She never feared death. She was always so certain of what was waiting on the other side.  I envy that.

It's my heart that continues to be selfish. It's my heart that refuses to let go. This woman is the woman who helped my mother raise me. Standing there at her funeral I realised of all her grand children, nieces and nephews, I was the lucky one who got to spend so much of my time with her.  She was my hero.

One day I will tell you why. One day I will tell you about the amazing woman she was and how much she shaped who I am.  But not today.

The nature of things.

There's so much swimming in my head right now I don't know where to start.

My daughter turned 15 this January, last week, she ducked down to the shops to get the paper and came back with a hairdressing apprenticeship. The poor pet is exhausted as she is working very long hours. (Voluntarily- she wants to prove to her employers how badly she wants this. ) We've been trying for a couple of years to talk her out of hairdressing, I thought we had succeeded when she started talking about becoming a music tutor... however, having said that, we had no dreams for her ourselves, we were just concerned that as a person who takes a while to warm up to people that hairdressing might prove to be tougher for her than it would be for someone more extroverted.  As it is I am immensely proud of her work ethic and her determination to be her own person.

The young lady starting her apprenticeship means her home school registration needs to change. I have temporary approval for all the kids, (they get full approval in six months time provided we meet the criteria- which D'Uh, we will)  but hers will be a little more complicated as legally she still has to be doing school as she is not yet 17.  So we have a vocational/schooling/TAFE thing to work out now.  Hopefully it means I can cut out a lot of stuff she won't need, can focus on the stuff she does need, leaving us time to focus on stuff she finds interesting whether it is useful or not.

Our first meeting with the Home Ed unit here in our new home was fabulous. Linda was great and I managed to get a really good overview of what each of the kids should know by now and what they need to work towards in the next phase of their learning.  It would seem my little guy is actually right on target, which is reassuring.  He learns differently to his siblings, and I thought he was struggling more than he is, seems I am just used to dealing with my competent daughter and my gifted older son.  (I have always hesitated to call him gifted, but truthfully he is. I just feel like that label carries so much weight and expectancy. For both him and myself as his primary educator.)

So now begins my days of compiling curriculum and writing lesson plans.  I get a little teary thinking about my baby girl in the work place already.  It makes me nervous thinking about how when we move on, she probably won't be coming with us, that these next few years are my last with us all under one roof is a bitter sweet mix of conflicting emotions.  Sadness, hope, relief, pride.  But that's a whole other post.

Now, you'll have to excuse me as I go kiss my beautiful daughter goodbye before she heads off to work.

Oh shiny internets... I have missed you so.

It's been quite awhile.

This is the  longest I have ever been without an internet connection and I can tell you, I do not like NOT having internets.  The move was drawn out.  A shortage of houses saw us living in a motel for seven weeks.  It took two weeks after moving for our ISP to connect our service and just for fun, the modem refused to sync. So after two technicians and a further two weeks, I have internets again, although, I still seem to be having some issues with it.  (For example, no matter what I do Twitter just won't play nicely)

I will update later. Right now I need a hot cup of tea and a cuddle from my favourite 8 year old.