Monday, February 14, 2011

why my heart hurts

See that gorgeous woman in the swim suit?  That woman is my Grandmother.  Sadly, she passed away 11 days ago.  Typing that was astonishing. 11 days. 11 heart breaking days.  In those 11 days I have both laughed and cried more than I ever thought possible.  I want to tell you about her. I really do. But the hurt is still so raw.

My head knows she is at peace. I know she is in heaven because that is where she believed she would go with all her heart. She never feared death. She was always so certain of what was waiting on the other side.  I envy that.

It's my heart that continues to be selfish. It's my heart that refuses to let go. This woman is the woman who helped my mother raise me. Standing there at her funeral I realised of all her grand children, nieces and nephews, I was the lucky one who got to spend so much of my time with her.  She was my hero.

One day I will tell you why. One day I will tell you about the amazing woman she was and how much she shaped who I am.  But not today.


  1. oh much much much love to you.
    These losses are so hard, and there is no right way about it.
    I hope the day you enjoy her memories without that ache of pain comes soon to you.

  2. Thank you. We do a lot of laughing and smiling too. (She had a very colourful life.) Just yesterday we were laughing about her flirting with the male nurses in the home.

    We're just at that point where funeral arrangements are over, the funeral itself is over, legal proceedings have been dealt with, and even though there is huge hole now in our lives the world is still turning, it is still moving and we just aren't yet ready to turn and move a long with it.

    But we're a talkative family. So we tell stories and we laugh and we cry because it's the only way we know how to do things. (i'm pretty sure that's the healthy way, but it still takes time)